Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e

Volume 4, Chapter 3: Double Question Part 4

Midnight. Or more precisely, two hours past midnight. It seems my roommate has woken up quietly. Taking care not to wake the other three sleeping in the room, he slowly got off the bed. Since students were required by the school\'s rules to sleep in their jerseys, they can also leave their rooms while wearing it. Having confirmed that he was not simply going to the toilet, I also grabbed my room\'s card key and got off the bed myself. There\'s no guarantee that he\'ll make his move today, but it seems the results of my work are finally showing themselves.

Once he realized I was also awake, he quickly turned to look at me. Our eyes met. And without looking away from his eyes, I told him there\'s something I needed to talk to him about. He replied that he would be waiting in the corridor. Then he left the room, and out in the corridor he was waiting for me with a slightly troubled expression. It was Hirata who was waiting for me with that troubled expression. "Did I wake you or were you already awake, which one is it?" he asks me.

"The latter. I thought you\'d leave the room tonight" I replied. "Why did you think that? Tonight\'s the first night I actually left the room at night". I assessed the situation and decided beating around the bush would get us nowhere and asked him honestly. "Isn\'t it just that Karuizawa contacted you tonight?" I asked him. And with that one word he seemed to understand everything. As expected of Hirata, indeed his ability to comprehend situations is unparalleled. "Do you know something?" he asks. "I\'m in the same group as Karuizawa after all. I don\'t know to what extent, but more or less I understand the situation" I told him.

Hirata seemed to be waiting for me to say more. And indeed, with that explanation I gave just now, it still wouldn\'t be enough of a reason for me to follow him out into the night. "You once told me you wanted me to act as the bridge between you and Horikita, right?" I asked him. "I see, so you\'re here because Horikita-san ordered you to, is that it?" he asks in response. This saves me the trouble of having to explain more to him so it is most convenient for me.

"Yes. She ordered me to report everything from (Rabbit) group to her, including Karuizawa\'s situation. So once I heard about Karuizawa\'s situation and reported back to her, she ordered me to watch you as well. Of course she ordered me to eavesdrop on you, but since you told me to be the bridge between you and her, I thought I\'d rather not sneak up on you. This is a chance for me to hear it from you as well" I told Hirata. "What information does she want?" he asks me. "Everything that Hirata knows about Karuizawa, and the contents of your talk with her" I told him.

It seems Hirata, who does not yet know the circumstances of the (Rabbit) group is confused as to why she would need information on Karuizawa in particular on top of information on the group itself. But at the very least he understands that this information is likely to affect what happens in the future. "I\'m not sure how much I can tell you, I still need to consider Karuizawa-san\'s feelings" Hirata tells me. And with that, Hirata started walking down the corridor. In this calm scenario, I also don\'t feel like forcing him to talk so I also walked after him with a calm pace free of worry. Even though I\'d laid in bed for around two hours, my hair is still in perfect condition. I don\'t care for it much myself, but to make sure people don\'t feel uncomfortable when looking at me, I need to consider my hair.

"I\'m sure Ayanokouji-kun won\'t say anything unnecessary, but what I\'m about to tell you is extremely sensitive information. And there\'s the possibility Karuizawa-san will simply refuse to talk and go back. I\'d just like you to keep those facts in mind" Hirata tells me. There\'s always the option of me simply eavesdropping on them while concealing myself, but there\'s no way Hirata would allow something like that. Since this is something Karuizawa does not want anybody else to hear, he would never allow me to eavesdrop like that. So in this scenario, the best I could do is nod in answer.

The meeting place was in front of a vending machine located in a rest area on the second floor. It was in the middle of a long corridor on the ship. A place easy to notice, yet also easy for someone to notice if there are people eavesdropping on them. The location makes it extremely difficult to hide oneself and listen in. Karuizawa was already there, in a jersey, sitting on a sofa while waiting for Hirata. At first when she saw him she smiled for a moment, but when she saw me behind Hirata she quickly lost the smile and it was replaced with an angry expression. "Why is Ayanokouji-kun together with Hirata-kun?" she asks. "It\'s ok I called him and we came together" Hirata answers her.

"Hirata-kun did?...why? I told you I wanted to talk to you alone" she asked him. "I know, but I was worried about what Karuizawa-san told me on the phone. So I brought along Ayanokouji-kun, who seems to understand the situation. Sorry for acting alone like ths" Hirata apologized to her. Even though Karuizawa looked extremely dissatisfied with the situation, it doesn\'t seem like she would just snap like that at Hirata. "But...I still want to talk to you alone..." Karuizawa tells Hirata. "If need be, but you never told me we\'d be talking alone on the phone though" Hirata replied to her.

I could more or less already infer that this is related to the trouble with Class C led by Manabe. But I wonder how Karuizawa would approach this topic. If she just wanted to cheer herself up by talking with Hirata, there was no need to insist being alone with him. That means she wishes to talk about a subject she cannot afford an outsider to hear. In any case, remaining silent like this would be pointless. And so Hirata began talking about the contents of their call. "You were telling me about the quarrel you had with Manabe-san and her friends from Class C. Is that true?" he asks her.

In response to that question Karuizawa opened her mouth slightly to answer but perhaps she\'s still wary of my presence, no answer came forth. It was once again Hirata that broke the silence. "Does Ayanokouji-kun already know about your quarrel with Manabe-san and the others?". "Somewhat". Since the conversation with her does not seem to be going well, Hirata seemingly is intending on asking me instead. Karuizawa still seemed to be discontent with the situation, but obediently remained silent and listened to our conversation. That might be because I was the one who saw Karuizawa being bullied by Manabe back then.

"From what Karuizawa-san\'s told me, it seems they accused her first. And then dragged her off to an isolated place and were on the verge of attacking her violently" Hirata tells me. "Yes. That\'s true. I witnessed it myself. Also Yukimura also witnessed it" I replied to him. "I see..." Hirata said while looking at me thoughtfully. Then he closed his eyes. In this case, I wonder what Hirata\'s judgment would be? Call Manabe and the others and reprimand them? Or report it to the school? "If Manabe-san and the others indeed used violence, then we definitely need to do something about it. I cannot allow friends to use violence against each other" Hirata declared.

Hearing to those words overflowing with a heroic sense of justice, I saw Karuizawa smile at Hirata for a moment. But once she realized I was looking at her, she immediately reverted back to her angry expression. "Karuizawa-san, you were bullied to the point of not being able to fight back right?" he asks her. "No....". Unable to even answer properly, Karuizawa simply stared silently. But since she did not deny it, it seems to be the truth after all.

It seems Karuizawa had a bit of trouble with a girl named Rika in the past. Manabe and the others tried to make her apologize for it. But in the end, things almost escalated to violence with Karuizawa. Having heard the story, Hirata nodded. "I see, that\'s why you told me something like that" he said at last. "Something like that?" I asked. "Karuizawa-san told me to stand up for her and get back at Manabe-san and the others" Hirata tells me. This is a lot more straightforward talk than I expected.

But from the perspective of the one that received the bullying, a kill-or-be-killed mindset might be taken I suppose. And indeed, when Hirata spoke those words, Karuizawa who had been silent up until now, spoke.

"Why are you telling him all this...?" she asks Hirata. "Because this isn\'t the usual Karuizawa-san. You\'re not the type to try and fight violence with violence, Karuizawa-san" Hirata replies to her. "But she\'s being bullied right? If you really are her boyfriend, then you have an obligation to save her" I tell Hirata. "Yes, I know that\'s the case. But I don\'t believe in that eye-for-an-eye talk. You know don\'t you?" Hirata replies to me.

The side of these two I don\'t yet know of, I felt different convictions intermingling there. "Let\'s think about it together then, how to get along with Manabe-san and her group!" Hirata declares. "That\'s impossible. I was onesidedly attacked by them. Please understand..." Karuizawa pleads with Hirata. "Onesided? Wasn\'t it because you bullied Morofuji-san first, Karuizawa-san?" Hirata asks Karuizawa accusingly. By Morofuji, I\'m sure Hirata meant the girl named Rika. He\'s also done his research on them I suppose, it\'s amazing in a way.

"But that\'s...I had no other choice...Shinohara-san and the others were watching me" Karuizawa said. "So basically because Shinohara was there, you had no other choice, is that what you mean?" I asked. "You shut your mouth!". Once I voiced my question, Karuizawa immediately shouted at me to keep quiet. The shout echoed down through the corridor.

"I beg you, please save me...Hirata-kun you\'ll protect me right?" Karuizawa begged Hirata. "Of course I intend to protect you, but I won\'t do anything to Manabe-san and the others as well. I\'ll try and find a way for you to talk with each other and get along together" Hirata told her. "I\'m telling you that\'s impossible! If things were that easy I wouldn\'t even ask you to help me in the first place" Karuizawa said. It seems a bit extreme, but I can understand Karuizawa\'s feelings. The position she\'s in right now is far more dangerous than expected. I wouldn\'t be surprised if this escalated into a serious incidence of violence. The school has certain rules. Smoking for underaged students is one example, and of course, that is a rule that is present in any high school throughout the country. However, there are still students who manage to sneak in a smoke or two in secret.

In other words, there are things that rules cannot prevent all the time. Bullying is one of them. Hirata seemed to be worried about Karuizawa, but at the same time, he was also worried about Manabe. It seems Hirata is intent on resolving this by pacifying both sides peacefully.

In other words, Hirata did not seem to be thinking of her as a lover but just as another normal friend. "It does\'t matter what the reason is, I cannot do what you expect me to do. For me, Karuizawa-san is indeed a precious classmate. If there\'s something troubling you I\'ll protect you. But whatever the reason, I won\'t hurt someone else either. Even if it\'s a student of Class C" Hirata declared.

"You liar! You told me you\'d protect me!" Karuizawa shouted at Hirata. "Liar? I told you from the start I would take this stance" Hirata replied to her. Hirata said those things that Class D students would find hard to believe suddenly. "I told you from the start, didn\'t I? That we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. Not for real. I don\'t mind pretending to date you, but I won\'t help you like this and you won\'t be able to depend on me" Hirata declared to her. It seems the relationship nobody doubted at all between these two, was actually faked all along.

"...why are you telling me this now?" Karuizawa asked. Surely this is a complaint against that declaration I heard just now. And now I understand what Hirata\'s goal is, he used Karuizawa just now to reveal information as a tribute to Horikita. Something like that.

"I thought to save you, a new approach was required" Hirata said. It\'s not like he\'s completely abandoned Karuizawa, he is really trying to save her in his own way. He then approached Karuizawa, who seemed to have lost her composure, but he did not attempt to touch her fragile and delicate shoulder of hers. "Are you saying...I need to use violence myself?" Karuizawa asked.

"I didn\'t say that. I will do my best to save you. In the morning, I intend to have a chat with Manabe-san and the others. To ask her to stop bothering Karuizawa-san. You might not like it, but I intend to tell them you wanted to apologize to them" Hirata said. "That\'s not what I want!" Karuizawa replied. Indeed, it seemed Karuizawa was asking Hirata to retaliate against Manabe and the others for bullying her. Taking that into consideration, this seems to be Karuizawa\'s real essence. Her real personality. More than anything, it seems Karuizawa has something she fears the most.

"I see. If that\'s the case then there\'s nothing I can do for you. Sorry about that" Hirata coolly told her that. Even in a situation like this, he is capable of keeping his cool. But even while maintaining his cool, Hirata gave Karuizawa, who could not do anything but depend on him, the death sentence. "Ayanokouji-kun, if you have any ideas please tell us" Hirata then asked me. He seemed to be trying to push this role onto me.

"No need! If you\'re not going to listen to my request, then I don\'t need someone like you!" Karuizawa shouted that while kicking a can of juice from the vending machine down the corridor. The juice inside was scattered all over the floor and the sound of the can resounded through the corridor. "Our relationship ends here today. It\'s over!" Karuizawa declared that towards Hirata. Rather than the truth of their relationship being revealed, Hirata seemed annoyed at himself for being unable to help her. Despite Karuizawa running away, Hirata did not show any signs of chasing after her. That means he\'s already decided she\'s not the one he needs to care about right now.

"Ayanokouji-kun, there are certain things that I cannot do. That is why you\'re here right now, I\'d like you to understand that" Hirata tells me. I was trying to extract information about Karuizawa using Hirata, but it seems Hirata used the opportunity to thrust the role of saving Karuizawa from her troubles onto me instead. "You seem to want to be more than a bridge that connects everyone, that\'s quite selfish of you. You\'re everyone\'s ally right?" I asked Hirata. "Yes. I\'m on Karuizawa-san\'s side and I\'m also on Ayanokouji-kun\'s side. But depending on who I\'m talking to, I also end up changing my attitude. You\'re far more capable than what everyone else think" Hirata told me.

"You\'re praising me too much" I replied. "Really, I\'m quite confident in reading the feelings of other people. That\'s why I can tell" Hirata continues. I\'d like to inquire further about that confidence of his, but I suppose talking about the solution to the problem comes first. "Firstly, I\'d once again like to ask about your relationship with Karuizawa. It looks like your relationship with her is just a front, and not real" I asked him. "That turn of phrase, it seems Ayanokouji-kun already suspected this?" he asks me.

"It\'s been almost four months since you started going out with Karuizawa. But I haven\'t seen any signs of your relationship having progressed since then. Of course, you could consider the option that you are maintaining a pure and platonic relationship with her. But you\'ve always been keeping your distance from her, and you\'re still calling each other by your last names" I said.

Even if their physical relationship has not progressed, if they had grown closer emotionally, naturally they would have changed their way of calling each other as well. But for better or for worse, Hirata and Karuizawa\'s relationship had shown no such signs of progress. In a relationship between a man and a woman, not showing any signs of progress or change is the strange thing. "That\'s right. We weren\'t really dating. We only went out with each other because we felt it was necessary. Do you understand the contradiction here?" Hirata asks me.

Despite not really dating each other, it was still necessary to do so. That means their objectives had aligned. And that would mean there is merit from going out with each other? Then who is the one requesting this and who is the one acquiescing to that request? That\'s obvious. Karuizawa was the one who asked Hirata to fake their relationship and Hirata simply answered her request. Knowing that, her actions that can be explained by this fact had increased.

"The rumors started roughly three weeks after the start of semester, and from that point onwards Karuizawa\'s popularity soared". This phenomenon can be observed in our group as well. By attaching herself to Machida, Karuizawa was able to assert herself more aggressively than before and her influence in the group also grew proportionately. In other words, that was how Karuizawa became the mistletoe for Hirata.

"So you pretended to be Karuizawa\'s boyfriend to help raise her status" I asked for the truth and Hirata simply smiled at me. I thought this is the full truth---for a moment but I realized the pieces did not fit in yet. Perhaps she used Hirata and Machida to stand at the top of the caste system of the school? No, that alone still doesn\'t explain the situation. If she wanted to dominate the class all she needed was to ask Hirata to go out with her and Hirata would probably agree. Her request was now was too tall an order. Karuizawa\'s daily attitude is a very strong one, and she sometimes plays the part of the aggressor in a bullying situation too. But why accept that without questioning her?

And...did Karuizawa really use Hirata and the others to increase her status in the class. That\'s also a questionable matter. In this case, you can\'t say that she used Machida only to increase her influence in the group. If anything, she showed no interest in the group\'s proceedings and remained silent most of the time. If so, there was no need to use Machida from the start.

So what exactly---was the trigger that caused her to approach Machida?

Now I finally feel like I understand the girl named Karuizawa Kei. \'To protect herself\' huh?. By process of elimination the only answer that\'s left is the truth. There\'s no mistaking it. "You understand now don\'t you? To be honest when I heard this answer from you, I had goosebumps" Hirata said. "I just heard it from Horikita that\'s all, that Karuizawa has her own reasons for using Hirata and the others" I replied.

I tried to deceive him that way, but Hirata\'s not such a simple man that he would fall for something like this. "Ayanokouji-kun if I had to tell you honestly...it might sound rude but I find you creepy. Like an ominous existence. If I\'ve offended you I apologize" Hirata tells me. "Ominous? Why do you think that?" I asked. "I\'ve been looking at you ever since the school year started. But Ayanokouji-kun then and the Ayanokouji-kun now are like different people. The presence you emit, and the words you use. Almost like you\'re a different person than usual" Hirata tells me.

Hirata has the ability to discern the actions and behaviours of the people around him and never overlook that. It couldn\'t be helped that he would notice the difference in me. "I already told you right? It\'s only thanks to Horikita\'s advice. I told Horikita everything about my group. And I just obey the orders she gives me that\'s all. The incident on the island test was the same too. Horikita made the right judgments and guided Class D to victory. And the class gained a lot of points as a direct result. In other words there\'s a merit in doing this for me too. She\'s terribly bad at communication as you know, so I just relay what you said to her and receive orders from her" I told Hirata.

I spend a lot of time with Horikita, and Hirata who knows me this well surely won\'t doubt those words I said. "If it\'s Horikita-san, she must have surely judged that saving Karuizawa-san would lead to the class gaining an advantage" he said. "Yes". "But I do think you\'re still amazing, Ayanokouji-kun. You\'re different from Ike-kun or Yamauchi-kun" Hirata admits to me. "I\'m inferior to the both of them" I replied. "Even if you\'re only following Horikita-san\'s orders, it\'s still you who\'s talking to me right now. It\'s not like the conversation will include only the details of her order. To adapt to the flow of the conversation takes clear logic. It\'s not something you can simply think up overnight" Hirata said in response.

"......". It seems Hirata\'s better than I expected. Despite his desire to save her too, he is still able to maintain his normal high abilities. "It\'s something you said but, the reason I accepted Karuizawa-san\'s request to be her boyfriend was to help her \'protect herself\'. That\'s what she requested. That she wants me to save her. It might be hard for you to believe but, throughout her elementary and middle school years, for 9 whole years. She received a horrifying amount of bullying" Hirata tells me.

"I don\'t doubt you, but this story is real isn\'t it?" I asked to confirm.

It seems Karuizawa\'s hyperventilation earlier in the day was triggered by her past. Since I myself saw it, I cannot help but believe the trauma of her past.

"Of course I only met Karuizawa-san after she entered this school, but I do understand. I know the look and smell and presence of a person who\'s been a victim of bullying. That\'s why I agreed to go out with her. By using her position as my girlfriend, Karuizawa-san would be able to escape her past of being bullied. I think right now, the attitude she has isn\'t the real Karuizawa-san. She\'s desperately trying to act tough isn\'t she?" Hirata said to me.

I think normally, she\'s not able to control her feelings that well. Victims of bullying have personalities like a sakura flower usually. Plain, obedient and weak. Also on the flip side, people with a strong personality like Karuizawa are also prone to being bullied. But in short, Karuizawa\'s current personality is a fake. That\'s why she needs someone like Hirata or Machida at her back. Someone who can rule the field for her. In doing so, she was able to regain her influence that way. "I can understand that now more or less, but wait, what are the benefits of doing this for you?" I asked Hirata.

This may be a common saying, but love is a part of youth for students. Hirata is very popular amongst the girls. Then by pretending to date Karuizawa, he would be giving up on real love. "Benefit? That would be Karuizawa-san living her high school life without being bullied. That\'s all" Hirata replied to me. He just said that. It\'s not hypocrisy nor love, and not for himself as well. "Won\'t you believe me? If that\'s my only reason" he asks. "It\'s not that I distrust you, but there\'s a deeper meaning behind that isn\'t there?" I asked him in return.

Hirata will not hesitate if it\'s to save a friend, but he also recognizes Manabe and the others as friends. The way he cares about others can almost be described as a disease.

Since he\'s told me this much about it, no doubt Hirata also feels it necessary to tell me about this. He buys some canned drinks from the vending machine and tosses me one. I gratefully accepted it. "Until my second year of middle school, if I have to honestly say I was an average guy who didn\'t stand out much" he tells me. "Hirata was...I can\'t really imagine that" I replied. The image was too different from the man who always showed excellent leadership.

"I didn\'t stand out too much, but I also wasn\'t invisible. My friend was also like that. I was really normal. I had a friend I got along with really well ever since I was a kid named Sugimura-kun. A boy. For six years in elementary school we were together in the same class. And because we were neighbors as well we always went to and back from school together" Hirata said with a voice filled with nostalgia. And so Hirata recalls his past.

"When we entered middle school, for the first time, we were separated into different classes. But even so, at first we still went to school and back home together. But the days we did that started declining gradually and I began playing with boys from my new class. It\'s a normal story you could\'ve heard anywhere" he continued. It\'s normal that in a new environment, one would inevitably make new friends. There was nothing unusual in that itself.

"But you see...even though I was busy playing with my friends. In the back, Sugimura-kun was actually being bullied" Hirata continued to say while strongly gripping his can of juice. Even an outsider would know what\'s happening.

"Sugimura-kun sent me an SOS many, many times. Many times he showed up with his face injured and injury marks all over him. But I instead prioritized playing with my new friends and never took him seriously. Sugimura-kun, who originally had a headstrong personality, always was quick to pick a fight so I never deeply thought about his situation. But when we both became 2nd year students, we reunited with each other. And by that time, Sugimura-kun\'s had become heartbroken. His bright, cheerful image was no longer there and marks left by punches and kicks only remained. He was not even allowed to go to the toilet and forced to leak in the middle of class. That sort of thing became routine..." Hirata tells me.

"So you saw it and...".

"Yeah. I think you understand too. But I didn\'t do anything. I couldn\'t do anything. I was too afraid that I would become the new target. I was afraid that my enjoyable life then would be destroyed...and towards Sugimura-kun who\'d always been together with me, I continued to pretend to not see him. I believed that one day the bullies would get bored of him. That one day Sugimura-kun will stop coming to school and the bullying would stop. Or that somebody else would step in and save him. I just kept on thinking self-serving things like that" he continued.

"And that Sugimura person...what happened to him in the end?" I asked Hirata.

"Even now the memory of that day is burned into my head. After morning soccer practice, I returned to my classroom. And there, I saw Sugimura-kun and decided to wait until going in. Honestly, at the time, I felt uncomfortable. Even though he was a friend I played together with since I was a child, at the time he almost felt like a stranger to me. I could not help but think cruel thoughts like I would be bullied along with him. Perhaps Sugimura-kun also saw my ugly heart, but he didn\'t say anything. But almost like a plea for help...that day in the middle of class, he jumped out the window" Hirata tells me.

"Jumped out? Is he dead?" I asked.

"It seems he was declared brain dead. But even now, his parents are still waiting for Sugimura-kun\'s recovery and believe in it. But whether he\'s still alive or dead now, I don\'t know. The events of that day were still so surreal, I still wonder if it was merely a dream or a hallucination. It was that unbelievable. Because the moment Sugimura-kun jumped, I became acutely aware. By treasuring myself, I pushed my precious friend to his death" he said. And so that was the birth of the man named Hirata Yousuke.

"I don\'t think this will result in Sugimura-kun\'s salvation, but, at the very least, I want to repent. And to do that, I thought the only way was to save someone else like him" Hirata continued.

"It\'s not like I don\'t know how you feel but, the world isn\'t that simple is it? Even right now, someone somewhere is getting bullied. And like that Sugimura you talked about, they\'re trying to take their own lives. You cannot stop those people can you?" I told Hirata. "Of course I understand that. I\'m not a hero of justice. But, I\'d like to save the people in front of me. I have to save them. That is the responsibility of the me who bears the sin" Hirata said.

"Then how will you decide on this case? You want to save both Karuizawa and Manabe. But that is an impossible task" I told him. "I know it\'s a contradictory task, that\'s why you\'re here right now" he said. I see, it seems he himself notices his own abnormality. In any case, it seems he cannot help but want to save people he knows. "I never expected the day would come that I\'d tell this story to someone else. Nobody knows about this, that is part of why I chose this school" he continued. Then after finishing the juice, he threw it into the trashbin. "Can I entrust this to Horikita-san?" he asks at last.

"If you can promise not to talk halfway, I\'m sure Horikita will do something about this" I replied to him. "Then I will choose to believe in the two of you. Because that is also my ideal" Hirata told me.

It seems for now Hirata won\'t be participating in the matter of Karuizawa. And most likely from now on, whenever Hirata is in trouble, he\'ll probably rely on me. But that would also mean I have succeeded in securing Hirata\'s cooperation. That would be a major power I\'ve gained on my side. It\'s natural that he got his own reward too.

"Hirata. Since you have a large social network I\'d like to ask you for a favour. Can you hear me out?" I asked. And with that said, I handed Hirata a piece of paper. And after reading it, Hirata accepted my request without so much as making an unpleasant face.

"And also Ayanokouji-kun. Ever since the exam began, there is still one thing I\'ve been hiding from you. I know who\'s the last "target" amongst the Class D students..." he said.