Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy

Chapter 216: My Name Is... (4)

Thank goodness.

I almost made her cry again at the last moment. I ended up saying something quite risky, perhaps because I was also dazed.

“I’ve grown quite fond of you. I’ll seriously consider it."

That statement made me cringe even now. While it sounded like a sincere promise, it could easily be interpreted as a classic civil servant’s dodge technique.

I realized it immediately after saying it. I genuinely meant that I would consider it, but those words could be taken as a polite refusal.

Thankfully, the 1st Manager seemed to take it at face value this time.

What a relief. Another misunderstanding might have caused her to collapse from dehydration.

Is it really a relief?

I couldn\'t help but chuckle wryly. Stopping the 1st Manager\'s tears was good, but my own dilemma was far from over.

After the Mage Duchess was Louise and Irina, and now even the 1st Manager. It was baffling how the confessions seemed to multiply over time. Was this some kind of glitch or bug?

How should I look at the 1st Manager now?

Honestly, the 1st Manager\'s confession was quite pitiful, maybe even a bit tragic. It felt like seeing the bottom of her heart.

If it were just a simple confession, then it would’ve been my problem alone to deal with. But I felt at a loss on how to face her from then on after seeing her beg and cry.

...It\'ll be fine.

Yes, I\'ll just trust in the 1st Manager. With her remarkable resilience and lively nature, she\'ll just act like nothing happened. Then, I\'d just follow her lead.

What happened today reinforced my decision.

I won\'t go back to the capital for a while.

For the sake of my mental health, I wouldn\'t even look at the capital.

I knew I made this resolve before and failed miserably, but I believe that this time would be different.

Please, let it be.

***

I delayed my return to the academy and wandered around the capital for a while.

Visiting the tower where the Mage Duchess lived wasn’t an option. The Crown Prince suggested that I return through the mages at the Crown Prince\'s palace, but I figured that a short detour would be fine since there was no strict deadline.

I had intended to return immediately, but I couldn\'t bring myself to go back so casually after seeing the 1st Manager\'s desperate tears.

I felt the need to confide in someone and to seek advice on what to do.

But there’s no one to talk to.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t anyone who came to mind.

Telling the Minister or the Prosecutor’s Office felt like exposing the 1st Manager\'s embarrassing past, and talking to Marghetta or the pastry club seemed insane.

The Crown Prince? He would just mock me, saying something like, ‘It\'s good for the Executive Manager’s children to have many mothers.’ And the Crown Princess would be too happy about her close friend\'s marriage to care.

My social circle was so narrow that I didn’t have any friends...

"That\'s why I came to you."

I laughed softly, touching the gravestone.

Wasn’t it ironic that I ended up here after searching for someone to talk to?

But what choice did I have? They were the only ones I could call friends, and telling them wouldn\'t let the secret slip.

"I couldn\'t get Boyar wine. I\'ll bring it next year, so bear with this for now."

I poured some liquor I bought on the way over the gravestones. After all, it wasn’t polite to ask for advice while being empty-handed.

I hesitated for a moment in front of Hecate\'s gravestone, but then I poured it all.

Talking about love in front of my ex-wife...

The absurdity of the situation almost made me laugh.

But what could I do? She left me. If she hadn\'t left, then she would have been my only love and my only wife.

I resent you a little, no, a lot. If you hadn\'t gone away, then none of this would have happened.

Of course, that resentment didn\'t last long. They said that the one who fell in love was the one who lost, and I always lost to her.

"Your husband now has five potential wives."

I sat down, leaning against Hecate\'s gravestone. It made me feel a bit more connected to her, even though there was only a keepsake under the stone.

"Isn\'t it funny? I only wanted one, but here we are."

I laughed at my own words. Yes, I only thought of one. Up until two years ago, it was her. And recently, it was only Marghetta.

But somehow, the number grew to five, as if Enen was joking.

"You’d be surprised if you knew who they are, too."

I kept laughing. The youngest daughter of the Iron-Blooded Duke, a current Duke, a Baron\'s daughter, and a Count\'s daughter.

Add to that someone she might remember, someone who was in the Prosecutor’s Office back when we were still team managers; it was that quirky girl from a Marquis’s family who voluntarily joined the department. She was a manager now.

I laughed hard and then took a swig from the bottle. I bought some for myself too, thinking I couldn\'t have this conversation sober.

"Hey. You said I was destined to be tied to one person. What happened?"

I took a long drink and then looked over at Oliver\'s gravestone.

I knew he was a bit of a klutz, but I didn’t think he’d get something like this so wrong.

"I might not be able to see the future, but I have experience. I\'ve seen so many people that I can guess just by looking at their faces."

"Then why can\'t you see your own future?"

"Exactly. I should be able to tell just by looking in the mirror."

I should have realized then that he couldn\'t be trusted.

Another thought struck me as I drank, and I turned my gaze back.

"Did you mean being tied to a boss and not a wife?"

That made a lot of sense. After all, the Crown Prince was the one who really kept me in check. The Minister was just following orders from above.

Thinking about it that way, Oliver\'s clumsy advice turned into a chilling prophecy.

I\'m sorry, Oliver. I misinterpreted and blamed you for nothing.

You should have told me how things would turn out.

I knew it was a pointless complaint, but I did it anyway.

Oliver made predictions based on experience, unlike Tannian who could actually see the future. Of course, he couldn’t have known how things would turn out.

Even if he had known, how could he have said, ‘We’ll all die, and you\'ll be left with many potential wives’? He’d have been lynched for saying that.

"How complicated."

I murmured as I set the empty bottle on the ground. It was really complicated.

I felt overwhelmed by these constant confessions. It wouldn\'t be fair to Hecate\'s memory, or to the people involved if I were to take them lightly.

However, I also felt hesitant to reject them outright. Was I worried that things would become awkward? Partly. Or was it because of my feelings for Hecate? That was one of the reasons, too.

But honestly, was it just because of my feelings for Hecate?

That\'s just an excuse.

A thought suddenly struck me. Using Hecate as an excuse to push people away—wasn\'t that exploiting her memory? Was I using her as a shield because I lacked the courage to be honest with my own feelings?

Hecate wouldn’t resent me if I genuinely considered their confessions and accepted them with sincerity. That was the kind of person she was.

On the other hand, she would be angry if I deceived myself and pretended to honor her by rejecting everyone. She’d say, ‘Are you ruining your life because of someone who’s already dead?’

Am I being too selfish?

Of course, I couldn\'t be certain that was what Hecate would think. It was just based on my experience and speculation.

And the fact that I was already leaning toward a positive interpretation showed where my heart truly lay.

I’m already wavering.

A bitter smile crossed my face. My true feelings finally surfaced after getting drunk and ranting at their graves.

I didn’t really dislike the confessions. In fact, I liked the idea of having people care for me.

These were people who genuinely liked me. They might even become the first real family I’ve ever had.

My family...

Sure. I had the Krasius family now, but they didn’t feel like my true family. Technically, I was just a thief who stole this body.

Before that, I had no family. As an orphan, the best I could do was to consider the other kids and the orphanage director as my family.

But these new bonds were different. They stemmed from my own actions and efforts. These people liked me for who I was.

They would be a family created purely by my own abilities.

Nice.

I couldn’t stop laughing, like something inside me had broken.

The more family, the better. Having even one person care about me was already a blessing, but to have five? I should be bowing in gratitude.

...But would I really be satisfied with just five? Could someone who had already lost six potential friends or family members be content with just five?

"You crazy bastard."

I shook my head at my own ridiculous thoughts. Of course I should be satisfied. Even having one person, like Marghetta, was more than enough.

And it wasn’t like there were any more people left to confess to me.

All the women I know have already confessed.

I laughed alone for a long time.

***

It was an unfamiliar sky.

"Uh, Executive Manager?"

"Ah."

And an unfamiliar voice.

I slowly got up, my body aching from sleeping outside for the first time in a while.

Then, I saw empty bottles scattered everywhere; the gravestones were still damp, and my clothes were covered in dirt. Lastly, I saw the national cemetery caretaker fidgeting, looking very uneasy.

...Ah.

"My apologies."

I had only meant to lie down for a moment but ended up sleeping through the night, right until the caretaker\'s patrol.

Damn it.

My face felt hot with embarrassment. I had managed to get the 1st Manager to her mansion instead of leaving her on the street, but now I looked like a homeless drunk myself.

And I was very drunk, too. It was definitely not how I wanted anyone to see me.

"I-I\'ll clean this up!"

The caretaker hurriedly rushed over as I started picking up the bottles.

"No. I brought them, so I\'ll clean them up."

"It\'s fine! Keeping this place clean is my job!"

In the end, I left empty-handed, pushed out by the determined caretaker.

Damn it.

I really shouldn’t come back to the capital until the New Year’s Ball.

I wouldn’t be a man but a beast if I came back before /genesisforsaken