Beers and Beards

Book 2: Chapter 8: The Darkwood

Balin gave a giant smile. “Just you wait till ya hear what those are Pete! Let me tell you how I gottem. It all started when we were fightin’ a terrible monster in tha Darkwood…”

—

“Fer Crack and Annie!!!”

Balin charged forward into the flailing mouth tentacles, each rimmed with dozens of barbed teeth. The lily-leopard was a greenish-yellow snarling whip of pent up rage and hunger, its blows fast and furious against his greatshield and golden armour.

“[Basic Block]! I cannae keep this up! Are ya ready yet Aishablue!?”

“Starshine is coming up on your raight! Five seconds!!” Aishablue’s voice replied from behind him.

There was a crash in the underbrush directly to their side, and the lily-leopard paused in its assault to glance in that direction. Balin took advantage of its distraction to swing his axe, and the beast jumped back with a snarl. Its spotted hide blended in with the patchy quilt of rot and decay around them, making it difficult to keep it in focus. In the pitch-black of the Darkwood the only thing keeping it visible was the bright light pouring out from the brown-skinned gnomess. She stood in a white robe a dozen-odd paces behind him, her hands raised as she traced glowing symbols in the air. Beside her, a goggled elderly gnome in engineering-coveralls held a round-shield and mace at the ready.

The lily-leopard took a step to circle Balin, clearly discomfited by the light. It eyed the pair of bite-sized gnomes with pale green eyes set on each side of an orange feline-esque face. Its rounded snout split in five and curled open like a flower as it roared and tensed to leap. A whiplike tuber flicked back and forth on its rear end in a crude imitation of a cat preparing to pounce. Balin put himself in its path just as the gnomess Aishablue shouted.

“Spell’s done! Now!!”

Balin shut his eyes and hunkered behind his greatshield, something he still found counter-intuitive in the heat of battle. There was a flash of light bright enough to hurt even through his scrunched up eyelids, and the lily-leopard’s roar rose in pitch to become a keening shriek. Balin immediately opened his eyes and took in the scene. The lily-leopard’s eyes were clenched tight, and ichor poured out from beneath its eyelids. It lashed out blindly with its clawed feet and Balin blocked one lucky strike with his shield.

Then with a pounding of metal on earth, the dwarf-sized juggernaut of shining steel that was Starshine erupted from the trees and crashed into the side of the beast. A husky feminine voice shouted, “[Basic Slash]!” and an enormous two-handed maul crashed onto the lily-leopard’s flank. The monster was flung nearly half a dozen metres with a sickening *crunch*. The plate-clad figure turned to Balin and gave him a fist-across-the-chest salute. The armour was thick and bulky, but flowed in easy movements with a sound like rippling water.

Starshine began a businesslike critique as Balin walked up to her. Her voice was a warm tenor, only slightly muffled by her closed visor. “Perfect timing, Balin! Good job blocking the approach-path to Aishablue and Flowerpott; that went much better than the first time. We don\'t want to waste your [Challenge] if we don\'t have to. You’re still closing your eyes a bit too early though.”

“Now\'s not tha time, Starshine!” Balin faced the lily-leopard, which was struggling to its feet. It blinked, revealing blackened eyes, and loudly sniffed the air. One hip was completely crushed and it tottered on its three working limbs. Sharshine scoffed as it groaned and began to back away.

“It’s not a threat anymore, Manny and Raysdotter can handle it.”

“Aye but what if it –" The lily-leopard roared and stumbled away, “runs away.” Balin finished with a sigh.

"Solen\'s Socks!" Starshine swore and ran after the beast, Balin and the pair of gnomes following in hot pursuit.

The heavy armour seemed to barely affect Starshine Morris, as she bounded effortlessly over fallen logs and smashed through knee-high bracken. The woods around them were full of enormous trees similar to pines, with scraggly needles that coated the forest floor. Shadows flickered through the lower branches as they ran, rotten wood crunched underneath, and the scent of decay and fungus filled their nostrils. Up ahead the lily-leopard gathered its three good feet and jumped over a stand of mushrooms twice as tall as the average dwarf. Then with one last hiss, it disappeared into the darkness.

The party had to take the long way around the bed of poisonous red speckled puffballs, and by the time they made it, the lily-leopard was out of sight.

Starshine sighed then looked up into the sky, searching for something. Up above them, there was a glimmer as light refracted within ethereal insectile wings. For a brief moment their ears were filled with an oppressive quiet, broken only by the creak of wood and the buzzing of insects.

“The glassflies indicate it went north-east.” Flowerpott, the gnome in the coveralls, broke the silence. He pulled anxiously at his white-flecked ginger goatee. “We should let Ray-Ray look first. It couldn’t have gotten too far, not after that jump.”

“Thank you Flowerpott. Raysdotter are you there?”

“This is your own Elfin fault dontcha know. Just because we have Balin now doesn’t mean you can get sloppy, eh?” An easy-going alto complained, as a dwarfess in black leather armour materialized out of the shadows beside them. Balin jumped. He still wasn’t used to the sneaky [Priest].

“I realize that.” Starshine said sternly, her stung pride evident even through her stern demeanor. “I’ll do better next time.”

“You’d better. I don’t want ta be tha one to tell Guard Captain Morris that his daughter was eaten by an overgrown flower!”

The assembled party chuckled as Raysdotter stepped back into the gloom pushing at the edge of Aishablue’s [Internal Light].

“Take Manny with you!” Flowerpott said offhandedly.

“Got it. Manny, Order: Follow!” A gangly, crystalline shape was briefly visible at her side before she proclaimed, “[Minor Blessing: Solen],[Shadowcloak]!” and the pair vanished.

“Why do all you youngin’s keep sayin’ yer Abilities out loud?” Flowerpott muttered.

—

The party crept towards the copse of enormous tiger-lilies. The flowers ranged in size from the height of a horse to nearly as tall as a house, each a thick yellow stalk topped by a beautiful citrine flower. Aishablue’s light was unable to penetrate the dense leafy mass, and the party stopped before they got too close.

“It went in there?” Starshine asked in a hushed tone. Her visor was up, revealing a pair of silver eyes set on either side of a large nose. A pencil moustache twitched as the leader of the adventuring team Brightstar looked around. “I don’t like it, it feels like a trap.”

Raydotter nodded, her black garibaldi beard bobbing, “I took a look around with [Basic Stealth] up. There’s at least two in there, maybe more.”

Balin nodded. “Aye, the beasties like to hide in these.”

“I am surprised you know that.” Aishablue remarked in her bright soprano. She scratched quizzically at an old scar on her brown cheek.

“We had an incident.” Balin frowned. “Some bastard snuck lily-leopard oil into our brew. We all studied up on them then.”

Raysdotter’s blanched. “Someone poisoned the sacred Brew!?”

“Contaminated.” Balin corrected. “We were makin’ that new brew and the Brewer’s Guild didn’t like it. At least, the old Master Browning didn’t.”

“Oooh! The Ass-Blaster!” Flowerpott chortled. “I don’t like beer myself, but that stuff’s hilarious.”

“Is that why Malt is the new Guild Master?” Aishablue asked. “There was some fuss in the city over a Feud six months back wasn’t there?”

“Focus team!” Starshine chided. “We don’t want to get ambushed. Aishablue, how is your [Dangersense]?”

“It is going off, but it almost always does in the Darkwood. It is low level though.” Aishablue shrugged.

“I’ve got eyes in the sky.” Flowerpott glanced up, to where a dozen faint shimmers flitted between the branches. “We should be fine.”

Starshine shook her head. “No. The glassflies are great golems for general use, but they aren’t good at spotting stealthy monsters. Let’s go in with formation six”

“Got it. Keep your eyes peeled everyone! You got this! I believe in you! [Encouragement: Perception]!” Raysdotter said with bravado.

The party got into position and Balin pushed into the thick foliage at the front. Raysdotter stood to his left holding a spear, and Flowerpott to his right. Aishablue stood at the centre with Starshine bringing up the rear. The going was tough, as the lilies almost seemed to reach out and grab at their armour. The air here was heady with pollen and greenery, and Aishablue’s lighting Ability was barely able to push the darkness further than two meters.

“[Dangersense] spike!!” Aishablue hissed. The party stopped and hunkered together.

“There!” Flowerpott pointed at one of the tiger-lillies. It’s stalk was damaged and leaked a dark green fluid.

Then with a growl, the lily turned to face them, revealing itself to be the injured lily-leopard. The monster pounced, attempting to leap over Balin’s head and get at the source of the hated light. Balin whipped around his shield to block a strike from its teeth, while his axe fended off its whiplike tail.

“[Basic Block]!” He shouted, gritting his teeth.

The lily-leopard fell back with a disappointed hiss, and stalked sideways. The party tensed, and Aishablue began tracing arcane sigils in the air, forming glowing magical diagrams. The lily-leopard crouched as it prepared to spring.

And then a crystal sickle the size of a broadsword cut across its neck, and the monster\'s head sprang free with a shower of sap-like ichor. An enormous spindly mantis stepped out from between the tiger-lillies. Its body was made of sharply angled glass, and it had a pair of lifeless crystal eyes. In the shifting shade it was even harder to see than the lily-leopard.

Flowerpott looked upon it with pride. “Good golem, Manny. Order: Guard.”

“Y\'know Manny doesn’t actually understand the concept of praise, right?” Raysdotter commented, her eyes continuing to scan their surroundings.

“[Dangersense] is still up.” Aishablue warned, as a low hiss began to fill the lily copse. “My spell is almost done!”

The party jumped into action as another pair of lily-leopards pounced. Aishablue’s spell went off, transforming a patch of air into a miniature star that illuminated the entire copse in bright light. Raysdotter and Flowerpott tumbled to the side as Balin rushed forward to meet the first monster. “[Heroic Moment]! And you, ya other tuberous beastie, get over here! [Challenge]! Fer Crack and Annie!”

“Fer Crack and Minnova!” The rest of the party cried.

With a yowl the second lily-leopard was forced to rush towards Balin, Hammers swung, claws raked, spells sparkled, and crystal sickles flashed. In an instant the entire copse was a chaotic melee.

—

“Ach, that stings!” Balin hissed.

“Sorry! I needed to get tha claw out.” Raysdotter patted Balin on the shoulder. “[Minor Blessing: Barck].”

Starshine turned to Balin as they waited for the minor Blessing of regeneration to knit Balin’s wounds. The party had survived almost none the worse for wear, minus a nasty slash that had cut through Balin’s shoulder armour. And…

“Manny!!!!" Flowerpott wailed. He was examining a chip in Manny’s glass carapace where one of the lily-leopards had taken a chomp on the glass-golem’s thorax. His goggles telescoped out as he pulled some tools out from his overalls and tried to fix the damage.

Starshine kept a careful eye on their surroundings as her party rested. Brightstar was one of the fastest rising teams in Minnova now that Greentree Dungeon had reopened, and she wasn’t going to let a little thing like victory distract her. “Think your family will be happy with today’s haul, Balin? A whole four lily-leopard livers!”

Balin nodded, watching in fascination as his savaged skin slowly began to meld together. “Aye, It’s a nice bonus, but Pete really wants me to bring him new things - stuff nobody cares about that doesn’t make it out of the dungeon much.

“What is he looking for?” Aishablue asked. She was leaning against a tree breathing heavily; she wasn’t the most fit of the team.

“He said he needs hops.” Balin said, and shrugged. “I dunno what it means, but mebee there’s some in here.”

“Here.” Raydotter deposited a long brown object in Balin’s hand. “Will this help?”

Balin examined it. “What is it?”

“You can’t tell?” She replied easily, then grinned maliciously. “It’s a stick.”

Everyone laughed, except for Balin. “Midna’s Mullet! That’s not what I meant!”

—

I listened with rapt attention. Balin’s stories of the dungeon almost made me want to go see it one day.

Almost.

Maybe after I maxed out every stat.

I applauded as Balin’s story came to an end with his tale of defeating an entire brood of lily-leopards. “That’s amazing! Are you… sure yer okay doin’ this?”

“Aye, that I am. I’m enjoyin’ it. It’s exhilarating, and gets my dwarven blood pumpin’. It… kind of feels like it’s in ma bones.”

“I see… well, thanks for bringin’ all these, I was worried that we were going to single-handedly increase the cost of lily-leopard livers.” I grimaced at the damp sack, “But maybe wrap the livers in something a bit more… waterproof next time. For the rest of it, I’ll grab those books we bought on alchemical ingredients in Greentree and see if I can cross-reference any of them. One question though.” I pointed at a long brown object sitting demurely in the sack. “What’s that one?”

Balin’s grin looked like he ate pieces of shit for breakfast. “You can’t tell? It’s a stick.”

I didn’t bother dignifying that with a response.